The Fog
By Heather Ledeboer | Category: Pursuing God, Sawyer's Story, The Journey of Motherhood | Posted Sunday, November 30, 2008
I have been sitting here with my laptop on my lap for the past hour as we drive home from our vacation in California trying to find the proper eloquence to express myself. I look out the window of our van and drink in the green expanse of Oregon, the sheep grazing on the hillsides and naked trees awaiting the snows of winter with nothing but moss to wrap them up in warmth. Over all the landscape a thick fog drapes itself settling in heavy over the ground. In a strange way the beauty is only enhanced by the mystery of the fog rather than being hidden by it. (I tried capturing it from my camera phone below after I wrote this and the fog had started to lift, but was still pretty.)
Fog is an interesting substance and when it settles low to the ground all you can do is slow down and focus on the viewable road ahead. Even if it is a road you have traveled before, you are forced to rely on what you can see rather than what you remember. I can relate to the fog lately. At the end of October I took a pregnancy test that revealed a very faint pink line. Trent was away at the time on a fishing trip that lasted several days. Seeing that test stirred up a mix of emotions within me but the default feeling was disbelief. For my previous pregnancies I was content with just one positive test. I never quite understood why some women took so many tests, after all, I had been told that any line, no matter how faint was a positive. This time I took more than 6 tests over several days before I decided I was only wasting money to keep taking more. I just didn’t want to start hoping too soon. Now that I am 8 weeks pregnant and have shared the news with all of our family I am eager to share our news with you. Below is a photo of the first 6 tests I took starting with the oldest at the top. I took one a day! After this photo was taken I even took 2 more the week following, just to be sure;).
With this pregnancy I find that I feel much different about sharing "the news". Typically I can't wait to tell others, this time I find that I almost have to force myself to do it. We just got done visiting my dad and step-mother in Los Angeles and I didn't get up the nerve to tell them until our 6th day there LOL. I figure it is rather inevitable that people find out, after all, pregnancy can only be "hidden" for so long. But, I would prefer if only people that knew our whole story knew about this pregnancy. It seems that during pregnancy people feel that they have a special privilege to talk to you openly about your pregnancy and I don't feel as open anymore. I don’t want the questions of “is this your first?” and deciding if I just say no hoping they won’t follow up asking how many kids I have or asking “do you want a girl or a boy” when all I want is a healthy living baby. I typically don’t mind questions, I just prefer ideally that they only come from people who know the depth of the situation or have a deep sensitivity to our loss. It feels as though this pregnancy is in a sense the passing of two silent ships out in quiet, foggy waters–the life of Sawyer who didn’t make it and the life of this baby, waiting to see if it will make it. At times I feel the tendency to almost hold my breath waiting. . . just waiting. We have hope but I feel the desire to protect that hope against anyone that might not treat it tenderly.
Here is a blog entry that I wrote on October 27th, just a few days after finding out that I was pregnant (but didn't post because we had not yet told all of our family the news):
We (Trent and I) are very excited. I almost feel out of place in that emotion, like I don’t belong, like it is a long lost friend that I hardly recognize. It all feels sort of surreal and like at any point I might just find out that it is some cruel joke. I want to fast forward to hearing the heart beat, to feeling movement, LOTS of movement, to labor and most of all holding this baby, warm in my arms and looking into open eyes staring back at me. A friend of mine that lost a baby to stillbirth said after having her “rainbow” child that she thought that mothers giving birth after a loss should be allowed to have a condensed pregnancy, perhaps just 4-5 months total, I am just days into knowing and I fully agree! The last few weeks I have not really known if I am in a place of acceptance or denial of my loss. I find myself choosing not to think on it very long, like my mind is simply too worn from those repeating thoughts to ask it to think on them again. I am hopeful, but no longer expecting a living baby at the end of my pregnancy. I am learning that it is foolish to have the wrong kind of expectations. I can only expect that God will be true to who he is and that Satan will be true to who he is and therein lies the root of my need to release my expectations (the fact that I am not in control). The innocent, blissful fun surrounding pregnancy is gone but I still wish to embrace the joy of new life (however long it lasts) and the hope of a living child in the end.
I am traveling a road that I have been on before, three times to be exact, but this time the way seems to be wrapped in a low hanging cloud preventing an overview of the journey ahead. All I can do is focus on today. Each day is a little different. Some days I am filled with hope and excitement, other days I can still hardly believe it is true but everyday I seek to appreciate the present and I welcome your prayers for this baby as we look forward with hope to 7/7/09.
KinderKord Wrist to Wrist Connection
By Heather Ledeboer | Category: New Products | Posted Saturday, November 29, 2008
Introducing: The Kinder Kord
$19.99
Our BIG 20% off sale is here as is our Weekly Giveaway – Cover-Me Strap by Little Carr
By Heather Ledeboer | Category: Mom 4 Life News & Giveaways | Posted Thursday, November 27, 2008
It's here! From today until Monday, December 1, visit our Cyber Sale category to find over 150 products marked down by 20%. With our FREE US shipping and 10% donation to moms in need–this is an exceptional value that you won't want to miss (plus our BabyLegs Bonanza is still going on)!!
The Mini Moby Wrap that we featured last week and gave away to Lauren and Tina is now 10% off (until next week Thursday night).
The Cover-Me Strap by Little Carr
Suggested Retail Price: $12.00
(however, it is on sale for $9.60 during our Cyber Sale)
The winner will get to pick her choice of style.
-
The Cover-Me strap is the only product on the market that is compatible with any baby blanket, towel, or cloth product.
-
The Cover-Me strap is compact, convenient and fits easily in your purse or diaper bag.
-
The Cover-Me strap is fully adjustable to achieve peaceful private nursing.
-
Winner of the iparenting media award.
To enter this week:
Click on the link for the Cover-Me Strap and come back to the blog to tell us about your first experience trying to nurse in public. You have until Tuesday the 2nd at 9:00 PM PST to enter. Good luck!
Prepare the way!
By angelagifford | Category: Pursuing God | Posted Wednesday, November 26, 2008
"He who sacrifices thank offerings honors me, and he prepares the way so that I may show him the salvation of God." Psalm 50:23
Doesn't your heart just melt when your kids say thank you? I'm reminded of Beth Moore sharing how one of her dauthers used to call for her bottle in the morning, by yelling, "Thank you! Thank you!" from her crib. It honestly made Beth want to jump up and get the bottle, because it was just so precious.
I Thessalonians 5:18 says, "In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." Giving thanks in EVERY THING is hard! I love the fact that God understands that it is often a sacrifice to be thankful. I've come to learn, too, that God hears the thanksgiving of His children and is moved to act on their behalf- just as Beth wanted to get her daughter's bottle.
When we choose to thank God in spite of our circumstances, we not only tender His heart toward us, but we set in motion a change in our own hearts. Gratefulness, like patience and love, is not a feeling. It is a choice. When we make the choice to be thankful, our feelings often choose to follow.
This week, we are all reminded to show an attitude of gratefulness that should be a daily habit. It isn't a daily habit for me. Sometimes, I need to have a little help getting my attitude in line. So I wanted to share with you, one of my favorite resources.
31 Days of Praiseby Ruth Meyer is a great little resource to help jumpstart your day. There is a short reading for each day of the month, that helps the reader pray through passages of Scripture focusing on God, His character, and all He's done for us.
Happy Thanksgiving!
A Mom 4 Life 20% off sale is coming!
By Heather Ledeboer | Category: Surprize Me! | Posted Wednesday, November 26, 2008
It is coming. . . the BIGGEST sale we have EVER had! Starting Friday and continuing on for the next four days (November 28-December 1) we have an entire category of products that WILL BE 20% off (feel free to take a sneak peak now at what will be on sale in just two days)! And if that wasn’t already amazing enough, don’t forget our BabyLegs Bonanza–every order of $30=1 FREE pair of BabyLegs (click here for full details). Of course our FREE shipping within the US applies as well as does our 10% donation to help moms in need.
So go ahead, take a peek at what will soon be 20% off, make a list and check it twice and then come back on November 28th for great savings!
