Confessions of an Introverted Mother
By Elizabeth Behrens | Category: Pursuing God, The Journey of Motherhood
I am so excited to introduce you to another new contributing blogger (can I get a woot, woot
?) Speaking candidly and from the heart is something I treasure in others and Elizabeth is no exception. Today she opens her heart in an honest reveal of self evaluation and as she does so I am challenged to do the same. I would love to know who of you can relate to Elizabeth’s confession and hope you will feel comfortable leaving a comment. We would love to hear from you.
My name is Elizabeth Behrens and I’m the wife to an amazing husband and mother to two beautiful daughters, Evelyn and Annabelle. I began blogging when we moved to Kansas City, away from all our family and friends, in order to keep them in touch with our lives. It’s turned into my favorite place to record our family’s memories, share our struggles with Evelyn who was diagnosed with Celiac disease over a year ago, and tell the story of our hopes of adopting in the near future.
I was the kid who made up her own games at recess and was happy to play them alone. I was the teenager who hung out, quite contentedly, in her own room a lot. I was the college student who had her own dorm room instead of a roommate. And now I’m the mom, clinging to her sanity as two small children find happiness in crawling all over me, pulling at my legs while I cook, and wanting to sit in my lap while I eat my lunch.
Now I adore my children with every fiber of my being. I stare at them while they watch a movie so I can absorb the adorable reactions that cross their face. I secretly record them singing so that I can listen to it over and over again because they won’t repeat it once they realize they have an audience. I savor teaching them new things and watching the glow they get in their eyes when the light bulb clicks on and they get it.
None of these things change the fact though that God created me to be an introverted person and spending every waking hour surrounded by little people exhausts me to no end. My love for them doesn’t keep me from counting down until naptime so that I know I can have a few moments where I’m all by myself.
I’ve finally reached the point where I can openly say that I love my children; that they feel like little bits of my heart walking around outside my body, but I need time away from them. That used to induce great amounts of guilt for me. Huge quantities of it. And I would be lying to say that twinges don’t still arise from time to time. But the truth of the matter is that parenting is hard work, and that work takes on a different dimension when you are introverted.
One of the biggest moments of letting go of that guilt came during a sermon I heard where the pastor confessed that we was an introvert that loved people. I wanted to stand up and say, “me, too!” That’s me! I love people, I love spending time with them, getting to know them, entering their lives and supporting them. But people exhaust me! I need time away to be all by my lonesome.
A quick glance through the gospels shows Christ himself going off for time alone. Time to pray. Time to meditate. Time to recharge.
Not only did I not have to feel guilty about it anymore, I no longer had to see it as a character flaw either. Because it’s really, truly not. Wanting and needing to be alone in order to recharge and feel like yourself again is perfectly acceptable.
So how do other introverted mothers get through their day? Any tips for survival?
Oh, that’s so me. And I wish I had an answer for you, because I frequently feel like I’m smothering with my desperate need for five minutes alone.
The thing I’ve found to be helpful is training myself to get UP in the morning by at least 5:30. It guarantees me an hour all for myself, to drink a cup of coffee, to read my Bible, to take a shower, or to catch up on some photo editing. It is by far my favorite hour of the day, and well worth trading an hour of sleep.
Thank you for writing this post, I really enjoyed it. Welcome to Mom4Life, Elizabeth!
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This is eye opening. I can’t believe I never realized this about myself, as a mother, before. I have always needed just a few minutes to myself, after a long day of being with people. And now I am with people, being my kids, 24/7. I see now that I need to carve at a time to just be by myself. I really think this will help me to not only be a better mother, but a better wife to my husband, as well. Thank you very much for your post.
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my thoughts exactly. lets hang out. lol…NOT.
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I teared up reading this because I am so glad that I am not the only one that feels this way! I crave alone time, it’s just who I am. I am perfectly fine just being at my house all.the.time. But becoming a wife and a mother has pushed me past my comfort zone into a place where I am wanted and needed constantly and there is always a little hand grabbing out for me. My husband works long hours or works out of town so alone time is very hard to come by. I have found the only way to get it is to get up earlier than the kids and take the time that I need. I read my bible, pray, read a book, sometimes I even do chores which I don’t mind as long as it is just me. Taking time for me makes me a better mother and helps me enjoy my time with my children more.
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Oh my goodness. I LOVE this. The mom who disciples me “diagnosed” me as an outgoing introvert. The control freak in me was actually glad to have a label. Haha. Thank you for articulating much of what I feel as a mom of little kiddos. I agree with Kira about getting up in the morning. I struggle hard to get up in the mornings – I need motivators to get me up. Like really good coffee that is already brewed by the time I get up. We always have an hour nap/quiet time everyday. And, sometimes during the day I also designate an extra 15 minutes of “quiet time.” Usually I sit at the kitchen table with my Bible or a book, and my kids can either look at their Bibles, read a book, color or play legos.
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I am an extrovert and staying at home is often crippling-ly lonely for me. Believe it or not, from my experience, most SAHMs are NOT extroverts and DO NOT want to hang out. So, often other moms make me feel even MORE lonely. I don’t think introvert/extrovert makes mothering any easier. Really, I think it’s about adjusting to a new and demanding way of life, no matter who you are or how you roll.
I ADORE my children (and my Borrowed Babies too) but I need to have time away as well. For me, i have to be with other people to feel “filled up” again. Not one person…people. Groups. Crowds. Classes. Meetings. I love them all!
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This entry made me smile…I am also an introvert who loves people and talking…I love how you bring it back to Jesus and how needing alone time and time with the Lord are positives! thanks for sharing.
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Thanks for sharing! You are not alone! My mom is an introvert… and I am not sure what I am… But I know I need time away to recharge – sometimes with other moms, sometimes alone. We all need a break once in awhile!
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“An introvert that loves people” That is me!! I have always wondered where I fit in the introvert/extrovert “timeline” as I love people, I love being around people, love talking to people but I also need alone time every day to recharge. I’ve never heard it described that way!
My kids are almost 10 and almost 13 so now I just say “Mom needs a few minutes to herself” and I go in my room to read for awhile!
When they were little and I was a SAHM I lived for the naptimes and told my hubby that after dinner I needed 10 minutes of alone time.
It was especially hard for me with my youngest as he has some sensory issues (always needs sensory input) and his love language is physical tough. So basically, if he sits next to you, its as close as he can get–and he does NOT sit still! AHHHHHHHH! lol
All I can say is that it gets easier as they get older and they understand what you mean when you say you need time alone–my oldest is the same way so he “gets” it!
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