By Heather Ledeboer | Category: Sawyer's Story, The Journey of Motherhood
She got the call today, one out of the grey
And when the smoke cleared, it took her breath away
She said she didn’t believe 'it could happen to me'
I guess we're all one phone call from our knees
Lyrics from "Closer To Love" by Mat Kerney
Mom, Heaven is our real home right?
This one (touching the wall) is just for a little bit.
Ashlyn Ledeboer, age 4
God thank you that heaven will be a perfect place.
Prayer by Hunter Ledeboer, age 6
I think about death
I daydream about heaven
We talk about heaven a lot in our home. Losing Sawyer opened up the door of eternal perspective and made the reality of heaven relevant and personal. Ashlyn in particular likes to converse with me on the topic. She likes to talk about what it will be like and what she wants to do when she gets there. We talk about the fact that Jesus is there working on getting it ready for us and when it is ready he will come back for us. She is hoping that he is building a castle for her. She likes to think about who she will see there and who she will talk to. She plans to introduce Mary (you know, the mother of Jesus) to Nanie (her great-grandmother who died 2 years ago). She theorizes about what might be there and is a little nervous that her Eeyore won't be there if she doesn't take him. She wonders if she should try to bring Sawyer his stuffed animal or if he already has one there.
When everything is ready, I [Jesus] will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am. John 14:3
Death may be a hard reality to accept, but it is a reality.
Truly living seems to be optional.
Sawyer's death has inspired me to be more intentional about the living part. Deciding what truths I want to leave with my kids and how to go about the challenge of challenging them to discover what life is all about and what role God has for them is my distinct intention. My challenge is to be intentional about making sure they know not only how deeply I love them, but that God's unconditional love for them will never fade.
The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness." Jeremiah 31:3
The more I think about death, the more I am inspired to instill God's life-giving truth into our family. The scar that Sawyer's death left on my heart has branded the reality of sin's affect on our world. I cannot deny that things are not "right" with the world. I cannot pretend that everything is ok. Something has gone terribly wrong and everything is slowly falling apart around us. To deny this would be either delusional or ignorant. I have faith. I have hope. I have a Savior who has overcome the world and that is where I place my trust and bring my wounded heart for comfort and peace.
I [Jesus] have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. John 16:33
Two years ago today I was told that my son Sawyer was no longer alive. But if you ask anyone in our family they will tell you that this life is is "just for a little bit" anyway. "Heaven is our real home," and there he is very much alive.
I love you sweet son. Say hi to Jesus for us.