Held above the surface by Heather Ledeboer

Pain is truly present everywhere, this world, as beautiful as it is, has been forever changed by sin. 

Today someone sent me an email alerting me to a tragic accident that has happened very recently in Steven Curtis Chapman's (Christian singer) family.  The pain our family has felt in loosing Sawyer is not so unique.  We have been amazed, as I have said before, by how many of you have shared that you yourself have lost a child, or know someone who has.  Doesn't it make you angry to see all the crap going on in the world, all the hurting people?  What do we do with this anger, where is it directed?  I know we often look in the wrong direction when placing the blame.  Are we angry at other people, at God?  I have to remember that God gave us free will (a choice) from the beginning of time, starting in the Garden of Eden.  Adam and Eve choose to disobey God and as a result, all of creation suffered.  In choosing to disobey God, Satan was able to enter in to this world and sin tainted everything. 

If anger flows, it should be directed at the one who delights in evil, at the one that hates God and anything that would reflect the beautify of God or his creation.  Hate SIN, hate the devil himself!  Let that anger boil down deep in your soul and let it bring to the surface a bubbling desire to bring TRUTH to light, to expose Satan for who he is, let it impassion you to turn toward God and his goodness knowing that this world is temporary.

I was praying with another mom yesterday who also lost a child in pregnancy.  As we were praying I had a vision of myself floating in a body of water.  My nose and mouth were above the surface and I was breathing, but the rest of my body was submerged in the water.  I didn't see who was holding my head at just the right place so I could continue to breathe, but I didn't need to, I knew it was God.  At this time in my life I can feel overwhelmed with sadness and close to slipping beneath the surface into a hopeless abyss below.  I must force myself to trust in God's ability to hold me.  If I start flailing, groping and grasping out of panic I might grab onto the wrong thing to save me, something that is not able to support me and we would both drown.  Unless I reach out to someone stronger than myself, I am lost.  Only God can be trusted with that responsibility. 

2 Corinthians 4:4 "Satan, who is the god of this world, has blinded the minds of those who don’t believe. They are unable to see the glorious light of the Good News. They don’t understand this message about the glory of Christ, who is the exact likeness of God."

"I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me, freeing me from all my fears.  Those who look to him will be radiant with joy . . . I cried out to the Lord in my suffering, and he heard me.  The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right; his ears are open to their cries for help.  The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help.  He rescues them from all their troubles.  The Lord is close to the broken hearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit.  The righteous face many troubles, but the Lord rescues them from each and every one (Psalm 34).  Day by day the Lord takes care of the innocent, and they will receive a reward that lasts forever.  They will survive through hard times; even in famine they will have more than enough.  The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of their lives.  Though they stumble, they will not fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand (Psalm 37)."

How you can pray:
-For the Chapman family and that they would be able to feel God's comfort.

What I am thankful for:
-Moments of playtime with my kids, snuggling with my husband, looking out my window at the dark blue mountians, random, thoughtful emails of prayer and encouragement sent my way, the hope of heaven.

(If you are new to this blog and wish to see the story of our son from the first post, click on the category to the left titled "From a Mom 4 Life" and scroll to the bottom of the page.  If you wish to get new blog posts sent to you via email, simply enter your email address in the box in the upper left hand corner).

Comments

[Rena]

I read about this blog in a comment on Lisa Terkeurst's blog. This is profound! I plan on reading more of your story next, just wanted to comment. So sorry for your loss. Your words will surely bring great comfort and peace to many. God bless you!
Rena Gunther
insertgracehere.wordpress.com

[Lori Anne Mardis]

Heather, I love reading this blog, if for nothing else to read about your love for God, even in these dark times in your life. Through your words, in a way, my faith is growing stronger. You are a beautiful writer and an inspiration to me and all those who are reading your words of sadness and faith. God Bless you and your family.

[oh amanda]

Heather, what a perfect post! Thank you!!

Always praying for you!

[Kate Shaw]

Friend you are a warrior of His Word!! A princess of passion for our Jesus...love you....

[Amy]

You're family continues to be in my prayers - I have not lost a child, but as most, suffered loss. I am so glad that you are able to see Him holding you above the depths. I have found that when everything else is "wrong", my faith is able to grow in the midst because I see His love and goodness, in my family, and those surrounding me. In all the little day to day things that do go "right." Your post is amazing - I trust that God is using your words in so many others lives.

[eminstitches]

What a beautiful vision God has given you! You always seem to put your thoughts down in a way that is so relatable. Thank you for continuing to share your thoughts, emotions, ups and downs and for just being down-right real. You are continually in my thoughts and prayers.

[Frankenstein]

5 steps from Grief to Grace is my advice to the Chapmans – you may read here: http://frankahilario.blogspot.com/

[Silvia Zifovski]

I really do enjoy reading your blog, and I would like you to know what an inspiration you are to me, you are young & succesful and now that I have a baby I know I need to take care of us. Its nice to know there are moms out there staying home and taking care of thier kids and still earning a living. Your site is great, I tell all my girlfirends about it.