Mom4Life Blog

4titude Award Winner Rhonda Sparks from UV Skinz

It has been a long time since I have posted a 4titude Award winner.  The 4titude Award goes to women who have gone through a challenge or trial or had a deep loss and has come through on the other side stronger and helping others.  Rhonda Sparks is the owner of UV Skinz and her story is inspiring. ~Heather L.

Please share the trial, set back or loss you have experienced:
My loss consisted of losing my 32-year-old husband, Darren, to skin cancer just three days after the September 11th tragedy.  My world came crashing down around me in one fell swoop.  We had three young boys at the time; Ethan/6, Seth/3, and Caleb/1.

Despite the pain you have endured, what beauty have you seen come out of this?
It took several years to process the grief and loss, but once I could see some light again through the trees, I was able to really ponder on all the blessings my life consisted of.  I was also able to honor and experience Darren and my children in a way I never would have.  The lessons Darren has left me with in the ten years we shared together have altered my universe indefinitely.  I see things differently now.  I have a new set of eyes for what truly matters and why we are here.  Because of him, I love more deeply, cry more often, I laugh when no one else gets it, and I count my blessings numerous times throughout the day.  I have more compassion for people and what their day/life may be presenting to them.  (Hey, maybe that person who just cut me off the road is racing to the hospital to hear his grandmother’s last breath or his babies first.)  We never know and I try hard not to presume I do.  Darren has blessed me with these newfound perspectives.  I am a better person because of him. 

In fact, my whole direction in life changed because of him.  After my grief, I decided to start a non-profit in his honor (DLF Foundation) that helps bring more awareness and education about the potential dangers of the sun.  I also started UV Skinz (www.uvskinz.com).  UV Skinz sells peace-of-mind from the sun’s damaging rays.  We manufacture UV protective swim shirts and clothing for the entire family (sizes 6m to 4XL) and make it a top priority to provide the most fun, fashionable and affordable sun protection around!  Our products carry a UPF rating of 50+, which blocks over 98% of the sun’s harmful UVA and UVB rays (whereas most sunscreens don’t even touch the UVB rays).  Most people don’t realize that over 1.3 million cases of skin cancer will be diagnosed this year; 1 in 5 Americans.  Or that one severe sunburn as a child more than doubles the risk of getting skin cancer as an adult.  We want to help change these statistics by raising awareness about the need for proper sun protection.  95% of skin cancers are preventable!  I wanted to help bring products to the market that can help families live sun safe, while never forgetting how important it is to LIVE and HAVE FUN outdoors!

To what or to whom do you credit this beauty?
I credit the whole experience of true love and extreme loss to this beauty.

What advice or wisdom do you wish to share with others having been through this experience? 
Stop and smell the flowers.  Take nothing for granted.  Count your numerous blessings each day.  And laugh and enjoy life!  There are no guarantees.  We only have right now.  And if you can truly wrap your brain around this idea, you quickly realize not to fret over the small incidentals.  Life is awesome!

If someone else reading this is going though something similar, do you have any resources to recommend they look into further for help or support?
I can recommend a ton of great books that helped me through my journey.  The best one was called ‘I’m Grieving As Fast As I Can’ by Linda Feinberg.  It is written for young widows.  It had invaluable information when I needed it most.

4titude Award - Nicole Cooley

I want to thank Nicole for being so willing to share her story with us.  What she has experienced is unfortunately more common that any of us would like to admit.  I hate sin and the pain it causes.  But Nicole has found a way to help others though her painful experience and I pray that some of you will find some hope in her words. ~Heather L.

Please share the trial, set back or loss you have experienced:
As a young officer in the military, I was raped by a trusted friend. Later, I made the devastating decision to abort the child conceived during the attack. Both events brought significant pain and trauma into my life which took years for me to overcome. This process is described in my book, Into the Light: Rape, Abortion, and the Truth that Set Me Free, and also on my website: www.nicolewcooley.com

Despite the pain you have endured, what beauty have you seen come out of this?
God has used my experiences as a platform to encourage others. The beauty I have seen is in the faces of others – both women who have chosen life for their unborn children after hearing my story and also for the women who have found hope, as I have, in Jesus Christ for their trials as well. My story has provided a seed of hope. If God has done this wonderful healing in me, then He can do it for them as well. And He can!

To what or to whom do you credit this beauty?
I am a Christian – and only the incredible God I serve could work such an amazing miracle in my life. Through the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus, a path to my complete healing was made possible. My personal relationship with God, and following His voice in my heart, has enabled me to deal with all the many layers of suffering and pain. One by one, all the hurt has been healed, and a normal physical relationship with my husband has become possible. I believe God delights in taking the messed up “clay” of our lives and, with our permission, remaking us into new creatures. The old hurt no longer holds me back, but has given me the gift of compassion for others and empathy for their struggles.
 

What advice or wisdom do you wish to share with others having been through this experience?
Don’t settle for less than complete healing. Have courage to face your pain – and allow God to walk through it with you. This process takes time – and can be very scary at times. I liken it to God asking us to jump off the high dive at a swimming pool blindfolded without letting us know if there is any water in the pool below! When you’ve been hurt, trust is hard – even trusting God is hard. But, it is worth it. All the work is worth it to live unencumbered by the heavy baggage of the past.

If someone else reading this is going though something similar, do you have any resources to recommend they look into further for help or support?
Please go to my website www.nicolewcooley.com have a page there called, “Help, I’ m Hurting!” On that page I have links to books, ministries, and websites which were helpful in my own healing journey. Most of all, don’t give up! Hang in there and allow God to work in your life too!

 

4titude Award Winner - Michal Chesal (owner of Baby K'tan)

Please share the trial, set back or loss you have experienced:
I wouldn’t call it a loss by any means, but probably just a set back and trial. My son Coby was born in 1999 with Down syndrome. It was a healthy pregnancy, my first, and we were young, so the diagnosis really caught us by surprise.  We had a lot of adjusting to do mentally, spiritually and physically. Instead of running to mommy and me classes I found myself running to therapies and medical specialists. I started learning about a whole new world I would have never in my wildest dreams imagined I’d be a part of.  Life had changed as we knew it.

Despite the pain you have endured, what beauty have you seen come out of this? 
We really have not endured too much pain. At first maybe selfish pain, like “why me?”, but I got over that pretty quickly and fell in love with Coby for who he was. And to tell you the truth, he really was no different than any other baby. So I proceeded to treat him like “any other baby”.  However, we did still have some adjustments to make regarding our circumstances and his disability.  I needed to create an environment for him that would facilitate his development and provide the extra stimulation he needed for optimal growth. In addition to his developmental delays, Coby was born with hypotonia (low muscle tone) and was adversely affected by carriers that placed his legs in excessive abduction (legs spread too far apart). He also required tight swaddling.  It was disheartening not being able to carry him in a forward facing position as used in traditional baby carriers. I kept reading everywhere how good it was to “wear” your baby. And so not only did I want to hold Coby closely and show him the world, I wanted to do it appropriately. I could not use any carriers that were currently on the market, and with advice from his physical therapist, I ended up partially modifying existing carriers to provide a position for him where he could face forward and see the world and get the developmental stimulation and closeness from me, while having his legs in a more developmentally appropriate posture and having a tight swaddled and secure feeling. To fast forward a number of years, this carrier (which we named Baby K’tan –it means “Little Baby” in Hebrew) became very popular and I realized it was a great carrier for all babies, which is when we began to market it.  So the end result has been that so much beauty came out of his birth, diagnosis and addition to our family. He has taught us so much about appreciating the little things, showing true love, and marching to your own beat.  We have met wonderful people and been a part of wonderful charities and organizations in connection to his disability and all special needs kids.  And we now have a wonderful company with a product that would not have been designed had Coby not been born.

To what or to whom do you credit this beauty? 
Mainly to Coby. But I know deep down inside there is a higher being that made this all happen, and that everything happens for a reason.

What advice or wisdom do you wish to share with others having been through this experience?
The simplest way to put it is not to give up, because things have a funny way of turning around in ways you never expected. And the sky might look gray in the beginning, but there is always a blue sky behind it, and if you have a hard time seeing that yourself, make sure you surround yourself with friends & family that know it’s there!

If someone else reading this is going though something similar, do you have any resources to recommend they look into further for help or support?
The best thing to do is find a local organization and support group that is connected to the disability your child has.  There may be more than one, and you might want to tackle them all or take it slow, but whatever your personality, keep yourself educated and surround yourself with others who know what you are going through. That is a great resource in itself. 

4titude Award Winner Rachel de Azevedo Coleman from Signing Time!

Q: Rachel, Please share the trial, set back or loss you have experienced:
A: Finding out that my daughter Leah (shown on the left) was deaf, when she was a year old was very difficult. I felt guilty for the year of information she had missed and I felt silly for not picking up on it sooner. I was angry that I hadn't trusted my instincts. As a singer and songwriter I felt like my occupation was suddenly a complete waste of time.

Three years later, we had come a long way. My husband and I were fluent in American Sign Language and Leah excelled at everything she tried. At that time we chose to have another baby and honestly, we had hopes that this one might be deaf as well. At our 18-week ultrasound we discovered that our baby Lucy (shown on the right) was bringing a whole new set of challenges. Lucy was diagnosed with hydrocephalus and spina bifida. Four weeks later, Lucy and I became the 82nd mommy/fetus patients to undergo fetal surgery for spina bifida. It was risky but we felt it was worth it. After a successful surgery, I was on bed rest for 10 weeks. Lucy entered the world 8 weeks earlier than expected. When Lucy was 9 months she was diagnosed with cerebral palsy. At age 2 her neurologist warned us that she would soon be diagnosed as mentally retarded, and that it was unlikely that she would ever speak and with no fine motor skills, it was unlikely that she would be able to communicate through sign language.

Q: Despite the pain you have endured, what beauty have you seen come out of this?
A: Everything we have today has come because of those circumstances. Every positive, beautiful thing we have. Most of my closest friends and most meaningful relationships have come about because of my children's disabilities. My business, my music all of it!! 

When Leah was 4 years old I was frustrated with how few people could communicate with her and I watched her getting left out at the park or at soccer practice because her peers were unable to communicate with her. No one "spoke" Leah's language. My sister Emilie and I created a video to help the children in Leah's life, learn a few signs so the awkwardness could disappear. We called it "Signing Time!". "Signing Time!" transformed Leah's community, from a community of isolation to a community of inclusion. Now there were no more excuses. If anyone wanted to learn some signs they could, in 30 minutes they could be entertained, and educated and walk away with a new skill.

"Signing Time!" has grown from that first single VHS tape to an entire first series comprised of 13 DVD's, as well as a soon to be released second DVD series, plus 2 Baby Signing Time DVD's, flash cards, books and music CD's.

"Signing Time!" was also instrumental in Lucy's development. Lucy was by my side through production, editing and post-production. She is the inspiration for many of the songs that I write for the shows. And after more than 2 long years of being trapped in an uncooperative body, Lucy was able to will herself to sign. She was with me as we screen one of the final rounds of the first video. When it was over, I got up and turned off the TV. I looked over at Lucy and she was signing "more."

Lucy is now 7 years old and is in a mainstream 2nd grade classroom. She speaks beautifully, signs fluently and loves to sing. She uses a wheelchair to get around but plays on a soccer team and is a Brownie in the Girl Scouts. You can see Lucy signing in almost every episode of "Signing Time!".

Q: To what or to whom do you credit this beauty?
A: I definitely credit God. Really, I was entrusted with so much more than I would ever have believed I could handle. I love my life. It is the perfect life for me. I get to see and experience miracles daily. Every day this work is making the world a better place. We are helping infants and toddlers express their needs through sign language before they can verbalize those wants. We are helping "The Leah's" of the world by sharing their language with those around them. We are helping those very special children who may never speak. "The Lucy's" who need a way to prove that they are in fact "in there." And we are helping the children who just have a hard time getting their words out. The great things is, we are doing all of this by introducing a real skill, a second language; American Sign Language. We build bridges to communication.

Q: What advice or wisdom do you wish to share with others having been though this experience?
A: When you have a child or children with special needs, it is easy to get overwhelmed. Suddenly you have to become and expert, advocate and educator. Most of us are not prepped for that. But, to be an advocate you really do need to be educated. Get connected! In this day and age with the Internet, you can easily connect with families who share similar circumstances as well as families who are a little further down the path you will be walking. Ask questions and find your local resources. I found myself wishing that a specific resource existed (fun, easy, kid-friendly, educational sign language videos) that would benefit my child, so I created it. If you find yourself wishing for something... consider that YOU may be the one to create it. Not only helping your own child, but impacting the lives of countless others.

Q: If someone else reading this is going though something similar, do you have any resources to recommend they look into further for help or support?
A: We have created many of the resources that I wanted. I wanted to be able to connect and share information with other parents. So we have The Signing Time Forums. Where you can ask questions, share, celebrate and learn.

I wanted to be able to find people in my own area who shared an interest in signing. It's important for children to sign with other children as well. So we created a place on our Signing Time Forums where people can coordinate Signing Time Playgroups in their cities.

I like to chat with parents and meet new people. So, we have a weekly chat on Wednesday nights from 7-9PM MT.

Like I said, if you find yourself wishing that a specific resource existed... stop wishing. You might just be the one to create it!

4titude Award winner Yamile Jackson PhD, PE, PMP

Q: Please share the trial, set back or loss you have experienced:
In 2001 I was 6 months pregnant and developed severe pre-eclamsia, and to save my life, my child, who weighed less than 2 lbs, had to be delivered prematurely by emergency Caesarean Section . While I recovered in a couple of days, my son was extremely fragile and struggling to survive. If things were not bad enough, three weeks later, his hospital lost power including all his life-support machines due to Tropical Storm Allison that flooded Houston and shut down the generators of the entire hospital. We (myself, my husband and the reduced hospital staff) kept him alive "by hand" for 9 hours until he was evacuated to another hospital. Many things went wrong, and he was hospitalized for 5 months. For 155 days I had to leave the hospital without my baby after giving birth, and knowing that he needed me to feel secure and protected in an environment that was foreign and frightening even for me. I felt helpless and impotent. I thought that I could not do anything to help my child. My heart and soul shattered every time I watched my son in pain, with needles, tubes, tape, and monitor probes covering his tiny face and body.

I have always been fascinated about how mothers can soothe their small child's pain with a kiss and a touch and I assumed that my child could not be much different; sure, he was small, but he was a child and I was his mother. I wanted so bad to soothe his pain and the fear he could have for being alone or unprotected (feelings I would have if I was in a hospital hurting alone). I wanted so bad to help him!! I hated my inability to give him a healthy start - no matter how many times the doctors told me it was not my fault or that it was not that bad since he did not know any different. I felt so bad knowing that, probably, my child's worst days of his life were how we welcomed him to this world.

At the time, I owned an engineering consulting company and I took a leave of absence so I could be there for my child, and I was in the hospital at least for 10 hours a day. I started interacting with the nurses, asking questions, learning about ways I could help my son. The first lesson from the nurses was about how to use my hands to comfort him so I developed what I would later call "the Zaky", a pillow that had the shape of my hand (I used a garden glove), that smelled like me (I slept with it on my chest), and had some weight to it to give my child some boundaries and help him think that I was there at all times. It made a difference for me every time I had to leave his side, and the nurses told me that it definitely made a difference for my child when I was not there.

I saw many things in the hospital that were donated "in memory of" and the name of a baby, and I was horrified of the possibility of loosing my child.

Every day I prayed and promised to help babies if our son could come home alive with us. I wanted the opportunity to help them ON BEHALF of our child and not in his memory.

Q: Despite the pain you have endured, what beauty have you seen come out of this?
In a nutshell, my child is healthy and we are very close, I have a beautiful family, and I found my purpose in life helping babies, their families and those who care for them. Our child came home still very fragile, with a tube through his nose (that I learned to insert), oxygen, monitors, and medicines. I was so thankful for having my child at home that I started thinking about ways to help other babies. I wanted to find something that would at least help one family; if I could improve the quality of life of at least one baby, maybe one that was never visited or touched, or one that was extremely ill and mom wasn't allowed to touch... I had to pay my promise! A couple of days later, a nurse from the hospital called me to see if I would make more "hands" for other babies. I had a wonderful moment - I found the way to help babies!! My mom and I made a couple of dozen, and I started my 3 year-research/design/test project to improve the Zaky to make it the way it is now. One size fits all, antiallergenic, antimicrobial, antifungal, washable, durable, flexible, safe, etc - to be used even with the smallest and sickest of the patients, in an environment that is strictly controlled.

One of the first facts that I learned is that the womb fills 4 basic needs: oxygen (breathing), warmth, nutrition, and protection. If the baby lacks the ability to do any of the first 3, the baby is hooked to a machine or the baby dies. For breathing they have the ventilator, for warmth they have incubators, and for nutrition they use an IV or tubes to the stomach. What about protection? That is how the parents come in - they need to provide the protection because the medical personnel is caring for the rest!! It all made sense, so I continued learning about the importance of bonding, transitional items, boundaries, positioning, pain management, child development, etc. With the help of many parents, health care professionals, and other ergonomists, I finalized the design and the Zaky is what you see today.

In 2004 I started offering it to other hospitals and then the nurses wanted them for their own children at home. Now the Zaky is not only used in hundreds of hospitals worldwide, but it is a favorite item for baby showers and healthy children at home and in child-care. The Zaky is also used to comfort and help special needs children of any age, and children that have to be away from their parents even for a couple of hours or days (military families, cancer/burn patients, or children of working/traveling parents).

It is very rewarding to see how the Zakys help thousands of sick and healthy babies and their families worldwide everyday. In May, 2005 I also had the incredible honor to receive the "Motherhood: Lifetime Achievement Award" by the Texans Can! Academy. This award is presented to exceptional women to honor their commitment to the community, while keeping their privilege of being a mother as first priority. the Zaky has received numerous awards (Gold Award by the Family Review Center, one of the Iparenting Media's Best Products Award in the Gift Category, etc.) because the Zaky "stood out as one that deserved great admiration, for its distinct design, appeal, and purpose".

By far, the largest reward is the opportunity I have every day to see my child's eyes and smile. What a blessing!! From the Zakys, the biggest reward is to receive emails, letters, pictures, and phone calls from mothers and nurses thanking me for creating the Zaky and telling me how the Zaky has touched their lives. I also receive emails from moms whose babies unfortunately have died, and one that stands out and that made me cry is from a mother that told me that she buried her baby with one Zaky (symbolizing that a part of her will always be with her baby) and that she kept the other because it had the scent of her her baby and it was the item that helped them feel close to each other.

Q: To what or to whom do you credit this beauty?
God and health care professionals that saved my child's life, the strength/support/patience/encouragement and love of my husband, my love for my child, the nurturing, compassion and tenacity traits that I learned from my mother, my uncle's generosity, all paired with my hard work, perseverance, and even some stubbornness(!).

My mother, a PhD herself, promised me that someday I would understand the purpose of the sacrifices I made to achieve my goal of receiving a PhD in engineering (like spending long nights and weekends studying instead of having fun with my friends) and of each lesson I learned working in engineering and construction of refineries and power plants learning about projects. And as much as I "hate" to admit it ---- MOM: YOU WERE RIGHT!!

All gave me a solid foundation and God helped me put everything together to help babies and families and those caring for both.

Q: What advice or wisdom do you wish to share with others having been though this experience?
A couple of things come to mind:
- Information is power. Read, learn, ask, study, look for answers and it will empower you in ways that you won't believe!!
- Surround yourself with positive people - don't let others drag you down.  You must take care of yourself to care for others.
- Children need their mothers, especially those experiencing pain or that are feeling unprotected. You are also your child's voice and advocate - use that right responsibly.
- If your child is hospitalized, then be a family in the hospital. Visit, touch, pamper, and talk to your baby as much as you can. Hold him/her on your chest so she/he can feel your warmth, heart beat, breathing and voice she/he felt in the womb.
- Also, help your child and one more. It will lift YOUR spirit!

Q: If someone else reading this is going though something similar, do you have any resources to recommend they look into further for help or support?
Ask. Know when you need help or a shoulder to cry on, and ask for it.

Read. Someone has written about what you need to learn. Ask the health professionals for references.

Segregate. Use your judgment and opinions of the experts you know to learn what information is useful and what is not.

Reach. Everybody finds a different support system and different ways to cope. Find what works for you - talk to a friend, family, or find a support group.

Help. I always find time to talk to mothers/fathers that want to talk to someone that "has been there" and need someone that understands the pain and their uncertainty. It helps me tremendously to help others!

Believe. I had a small sign at my home that said: "At the end everything will be OK. If is is not OK, then it is not the end." That helped me tremendously.

Faith. Need I say more?

4titude Award winner Tammie Aaron-Barada

Q: Please share the trial, set back or loss you have experienced:
A: We were potty training our two toddlers while I was working on my patent and writing the business plan for PottieStickers. We had just lost our 3rd child so I was very focused. The day after the World Trade Center tragedy on September 12, 2001 was when my world crashed, we found out my husband had cancer. The daily trips for radiation, doctor’s appointments and chemotherapy treatments resulted in placing our two toddlers in day care and in the hands of neighbors since family was over 800 miles away.  A few weeks later my husband lost his battle with cancer. God knew I could only handle two children alone I guess.  Now widowed with a handful of PottieStickers and two toddlers to raise,  I was devastated and faced with financial challenges as my husband did not have life insurance. Determined to make it, I pursued my goals in honor of my husband and for our children.  Aaron Barrada, Inc. was the first company to provide a toilet training reward system designed specifically for traveling children of today. I recognized and filled the void of today's family-on-the-go-lifestyle toilet training. We have created a variety of products for kids: PottieStickers, PottieCD, PottiePal toilet paper holder, PottieKits, PottieCombo, PottieSong, PottieRules, PottieTime and RewardEmStickers. Additional information can be found at www.PottieStickers.com.

Q: Despite the pain you have endured, what beauty have you seen come out of this?
A: We donate a percentage of every sale from our whole product line to cancer research.  We have educated many people about on potty training issues. We have won numerous awards and last week (July ‘07) was awarded top 100 people of PA with the Entrepreneur of the Year award. Praise GOD!

Q: To what or to whom do you credit this beauty?
A: “GFW” (God, Family & Work) is printed on Tammie’s products to keep her focused on life’s priorities.  GOD is the only person to credit. Without HIM I could not have accomplished anything. HE gave me the strength and courage to continue after my husband’s death. I honestly do not remember the first 2 years. I simply threw myself into my work. Focusing on marketing, advertising and all the public relations I could get. 

Q: What advice or wisdom do you wish to share with others having been though this experience?
A: Assemble a board of advisors to keep you focused and on track. They will let you know when you are going sideways or going in to many directions at once.

Q: If someone else reading this is going though something similar, do you have any resources to recommend they look into further for help or support?
A: Just do it. Never wonder “what if” about anything for the rest of your life. Know that you did it. There is no such thing as failure… simple God telling you that you are going in the wrong direction because he has something greater for you in store. You just need to find it.

Tammie Aaron-Barrada  106 Valley Hi Lane, Ruffs Dale, PA 15679 USA AaronBarradaInc@aol.com  724-696-9558.

4titude Award Winner Wendy Williamson

Wendy Williamson

GotBreastPump.com
ZacharyWilliamsonMemorialFoundation.org

Q: Please share the trial, set back or loss you have experienced:
A: In November 2001, I became pregnant for my sweet angel, Zach.  While getting the ultrasound, we discovered that he had Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (the left side of his heart and aorta was not developing).  Though three risky surgeries were involved, we traveled to Delaware where he could have the best surgeon.  After eight long days of struggling for his life, it was time for him to leave us. 

Q: Despite the pain you have endured, what beauty have you seen come out of this?
A: Definitely the most important thing that has come out of our experience is my faith.  I spent a good year in a deep depression, wondering what I did wrong to be punished in this way, why did this happen to us, asking God what he wanted from me.  I prayed everyday to just send me the answers.  Then one day, two of my close friends each gave me the same book (the very same day – if that’s not an answer then I don’t know what is).  I am sure many people are familiar with the book, The Purpose Driven Life.  It is definitely a book that everyone will benefit from, and it provides so many answers to questions that we ask God about everyday.  Also, through months of soul searching, I finally determined that I would begin a charity that could help mothers by donating breast pumps to mothers with financial needs.  The charity has helped many new moms, and also inspired me to begin a website to answer many questions that we have during those early months in regards to breast pumping and breastfeeding.  I have thoroughly enjoyed sharing my passions with other moms on the website and am grateful to God everyday for the blessing of our Zach.

Q: To what or to whom do you credit this beauty?
A: There is no question that God gave us this incredible gift.  Some people may think that it is morbid that we think the death of our son is a gift, but we feel that it is a gift to have been able to spend eight days with this incredible little baby.  He touched, and changed, more lives in his eight little days here on earth than just about anyone that I know. 

Q: What advice or wisdom do you wish to share with others having been though this experience?
A: The most important thing that I want other parents, especially moms, to know is to not deny your feelings of pain.  Whether you lose a child at birth or at 10 years, there is still an extreme amount of pain that must be dealt with.  In addition, take this gift that God has provided for you and figure out how to take the pain, and wisdom, to help benefit others.  I have learned first hand that God will never give you anything that you cannot handle.  But you must realize that He is talking to you, and you need to listen and determine what great tasks He wants you to accomplish.  Just open your mind and your heart and listen.

Q: If someone else reading this is going though something similar, do you have any resources to recommend they look into further for help or support?
A: The first, and most important, thing is to get references from your doctor or nurse for a good counselor, support group or therapist to help you through the feelings of grief that you will, and must, go through.  Also, as a Catholic, I was very lucky to have the support of the Elizabeth Ministries.  This allowed me the support and understanding from someone who had experienced the same type of loss.  iVillage is a great place for message boards, and the “Loss of an Infant” message board is a very good place to talk to many other mothers who know what you are going through.

4titude Award winner Sarah P. (Photographer and mom)

Our most recent 4titude Award winner is Sarah P. a very good friend of mine, the Mom 4 Life photographer and a wonderful example of someone who is truely living out God's love as a mother.  I invite you to read her story below and also to visit her photography website Bellysimo Photography.

Q. Sarah, please share the trial, set back or loss you have experienced:
A: In 2002, my husband and I were working at a local children’s hospital.  We met a 2 year old boy who was a foster child and spent more than 9 months of the year admitted to the hospital.  He was a very sick little boy and had been put in isolation and unable to leave his hospital room at all.  I could not stand by and watch him waste away.  So we decided to bring him home and, when he was admitted to the hospital, stay with him and be his advocate.  The doctors and nurses told us that he would not live until the age of 5.  Our response was “That’s okay, then he’ll have a family and know love for three years at least.”  Within months of bringing him home his health began to take a turn for the better.  In his first 36 months of life we estimate he lived 27 of them in the hospital.  In the last 4.5 years (he is 7.5 now!) he has only been admitted for 30 days total.  His medical needs are still some of the most intricate you can live with outside of a medical facility, but he is a happy, vibrant, thriving 7 and a ½ year old boy!  We are learning that his developmental needs are more intense than anticipated, but he still excels to his highest potential at everything he does!

Q: Despite the pain you have endured, what beauty have you seen come out of this?
A: Our son has proven everyone wrong.  His diagnosis is such that doctors still, to this day, often suggest that to parents of similar children that they “let their children go because their quality of life will not be good.”  It makes me chuckle a little as I see my son getting a coin for losing his first tooth, learning to ride a bike, going to school, giggling as he plays in the waves at the beach, and going to sleep at night whispering “I love you, Mama.”  He has more quality of life simply BECAUSE of his disabilities.  I’ve seen a miracle before my own eyes and get to experience it every day. 

Q: To what or to whom do you credit this beauty?
A: Without a doubt, I believe that God planned that we would have our son.  Every step I can trace, even being a young child and telling my Mom I would adopt special needs children someday, is evidence to me that I was being prepared for such a thing as this.  When things are difficult and I feel like I do not have the strength to mother a child with this intense medical and developmental needs, I have a Higher Power to lean on and let Him take charge.  He brought me to this… he will carry me through it as well.

Q: What advice or wisdom do you wish to share with others having been though this experience?
A: I cannot count how many times other Moms say “Wow, I could never do that.  You’re amazing.”  On a journey such as this, you are given strength for the moment.  Not for the week, or sometimes even the day!  There is still a strong possibility that our son’s future will be short.  But I do not live each day thinking about that.  I live in the “I’m a SUPERHERO” being exclaimed through the halls… I live in the grin that’s so big it shows 3 sets of dimples… I live in the joy that shines from my little guy.  All of the other “normal” milestones that every parent thinks about and looks forward to are just icing on the cake and often come as a surprise to me because I don’t EXPECT them.  They are a gift.  Grace for the moment. 

Q: If someone else reading this is going though something similar, do you have any resources to recommend they look into further for help or support?
A: Our situation is so unique that I would just suggest finding a support group – in person or online – that is specific to your child’s needs.  Having other parents like you who do the SAME (or similar) thing day in and day out is PRICELESS to being the parent of a special needs child.  If you’re like me, even your child’s care can be improved by the vast experience others have who have been doing it much longer than you!
   

4titude Award winner Stephanie P. (Blog writter and mom)

Our most recent 4titude Award winner is Stephanie P.  I invite you to read her amazing story and find awe in the healing power of God.

Q: Stephanie, please share the trial, set back or loss you have experienced:
A: My oldest son Noah began to have unexplained seizures at 2 ½ years old. They were so awful that he would have hundreds of different types of seizures a day. I couldn’t leave the house and no doctor or medication would help. We were told he might end up in an institution. The mama cat in me rose up and I knew that this was not in the plans for my son!

After learning about a special diet to treat seizures called the Ketogenic Diet, we found a doctor that was willing to help and Noah was seizure-free within 4 days of the diet. The diet is very strict and monitored by a dietician. It is not easy by any means, but it is definitely easier than watching our child have seizures all day long. Noah was able to come off the diet just before starting Kindergarten almost 1 year ago. He’s been seizure-free almost 3 years. It’s amazing. You can read the full story about Noah here. ( http://adventuresinbabywearing.blogspot.com/2006/05/full-story.html )

Q: Despite the pain you have endured, what beauty have you seen come out of this?
A: I’ve seen myself shaped into a strong woman, a more informed parent, a grateful person for many little things, the simple things in life, and I have been able to share our story to countless families, helping them get the care they need and encouraging them through the difficult times of starting the Ketogenic Diet.

Q: To what or to whom do you credit this beauty?
A: I am thankful for an ever and always faithful God.

Q: What advice or wisdom do you wish to share with others having been though this experience?
A: I tell everyone in similar situations to never lose hope, no matter what doctors or people may tell you. Have faith. Anything and everything is possible.

Q: If someone else reading this is going though something similar, do you have any resources to recommend they look into further for help or support?
A: I would be happy to talk with anyone that has questions. I also encourage parents of children with epilepsy to ask their doctor about the Ketogenic Diet, and if the doctor does not support it, get another opinion!

4titude Award winner Jane Perillo (snanimals.com owner)

The recipient of our first "4titude Award" goes to Jane Perillo, owner of www.snanimals.com.  I recently came across her website that offers some really cute hand painted shoes and accessories for children.  However, what really got my attention was the story behind this company.  As you might have guessed from looking at my website www.mom4life.com, I am all about the people behind the products and not just the products they sell. This company, named snanimals was started in loving memory of their daughter, Emma  who was diagnosed on 7/14/05 at the age of 22 months with Pulmonary Arterial Hypertension.  She was one of 3 surviving quadruplets born 14 weeks early.  Emma was a bright little girl that could read and spell at 2 1/2 years old and loved animals.  Her love for animals spurred her mom to make her an pair of zebra panted shoes which was the start of snanimals.  On January 19, 2007, Emma passed away unexpectedly in her sleep.  Emma's mom Jane says, "We are devastated and sorrowful but believe she lives on in every pair of shoes we make. So when we say they are hand-painted with love, it is more love than you could ever know.  5 % of our on-line sales will be donated to the Pulmonary Hypertension Association in memory of Emma."  Please visit: http://www.phassociation.org/ for more information on pulmonary hypertension. Also, visit: www.carepages.com and after signing in go to "ouremma" to read more about Emma's journey.

The 4titude Award is given to moms who have endured a trial, set back or loss in their life that has spurred them on to do create something of value out of their pain.  If you know of someone that would be a good canidate for the 4titude Award, please contact us!