Put ‘em to work!
By Heather Ledeboer | Category: Activities with Kids, Family Focus, It Worked 4 Me, The Journey of Motherhood
When Melody approached the topic of how being a mother has changed her home (it is now a mess) and asked for tips and feedback from other moms in her post titled, “I used to have a clean house“, it started a conversation on our facebook page about what we do in our home to involve our kids in the process of keeping our house enjoyably neat. I would like to share our “system” with you and invite you to offer comments, feedback or questions about what you do (or don’t do) or plan to do with your kids to encourage them to be active participants in the upkeep of your home.
We have a list:
Perhaps some of you will recall the blog post I wrote in January of 2011 called “Let’s organize our day: the evening routine.” In it, I mentioned a list that i would set out for my two oldest children (who were 5 and 7 at the time) outlining what needed to be done in the morning before they went to school.
We have a problem:
This method worked fairly well for my 7 year old son who is systematic in nature and a strong reader. However, over time the intent of the list (to help them manage their own tasks) began to fail and simply became my checklist for nagging: “Hunter, have you brushed your teeth yet?” ”Hunter, please stay focused” ”Hunter, which task are you working on right now?”
We adjusted our plan:
Around that time I listened to an online podcast by The Power of Moms by Richard and Linda Eyre (the authors of The Entitlement Trap) which encouraged parents to shift their focus away from allowances (simply giving kids money) and toward a family system of “choosing, earning and ownership”. One of the ideas presented in the podcast included a weekly responsibility chart which the child fills out and turns in at the end of the week. Each responsibly had a monetary value attached allowing the child the opportunity to earn their own money for the “extra” items that child wished to purchase.
I saw that there was an opportunity to improve upon our current system using the ideas provided by Richard and Linda. I set to work revamping and creating a responsibility chart for our two oldest children. Each list was unique to the child for which is was made and includes both morning and afternoon responsibilities. Although many tasks were the same (they each needed to brush their teeth for instance), some differed based on ability and maturity. We did choose however to make the lists fairly equal in the overal number of tasks as well as the payout provided for completing the tasks. Since the kids have more free time durring the summer, I have tweaked the lists during the non-school months to include an extra “weekly” job each day (such as the one Hunter is doing in the photo below-cleaning the guest bathroom sink and mirror).
Admittedly it can take longer to teach a child how to do a task that is quick for an adult. But I truly believe the importance of not only the task learned but the responsibility gained is worth it. Over time, if that child is encouraged (and not belittled) for the tasks they are learning to master, they will soon be able to do them as well as you. Here is a tip I have found to work well for me: When Hunter completes a job such as washing the mirror I go in the bathroom and look it over with him. I ask, “Hunter, if you were an employer and you just hired someone to wash this mirror for you, would you feel his job is complete or did he miss any areas?” Presenting this question allows him to look at his own work objectively and without feeling like I am pointing out errors (he is critiquing himself).
We have been using our revised list plan for a few months now and overall I am very happy with how it is working. Hunter has now reached a point in which he begins his lists unprompted (most of the time) and knows exactly what is expected of him often without even referencing his list. Ashlyn still needs encouragement to get started but she now is able to read everything on her list on her own (using pictures to represent the tasks in addition to words can help a lot in this area if you have a young child). I have found that using extra motivation often works well too (such as: we can leave for our play date today once your morning responsibilities are completed OR our family movie night will begin once you both have your evening responsibilities finished).
I’d love to hear from you: Do you use a system like this or something totally different for your kids? What about when you were growing up, what did your parents do with you in this area? Do you have any questions or tips?
Heather Ledeboer
I am a Christian, wife, mom and the owner of Mom 4 Life. I have a passion for helping moms and encouraging them in their journey through motherhood. I invite you to journey along with me!
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I must say this is brilliant! I’ve always been the super un-organized mom… Chart after chart, the responsibilities never got accomplished. The kids would forget; I would forget. How do you remember it enough at the beginning to keep it going strong? Or are you just organized enough?
Also, what responsibilities do you have each of them doing? I have 2 near the same ages as yours, as well as one older and one younger. I know they can accomplish more than I give them credit for. At the same time, I don’t want to sound like a psycho mom…
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Heather Ledeboer Reply:
August 21st, 2012 at 12:42 pm
@AnnaLee, in the beginning we had to make sure that the lists were put in a place where we were sure to see them each day to help us remember to use them (perhaps the kitchen table, the bathroom mirror or on the fridge??). Once we were in a routine with using them they moved them to their rooms and keep them near their desks.
Below are the current responsibilities on my kid’s lists:
Ashlyn’s list (she is 6)
Morning:
-get dressed
-make bed
-eat breakfast & put dishes away
-brush teeth
-brush hair
-collect chicken eggs
-empty & sort laundry basket (once a week)
Afternoon:
-clear dishes after dinner
-take a shower or bath (twice a week)
-take fermented cod liver oil
-lay out clothes for tomorrow
-make sure room and desk is neat
Hunter’s list (he is 9) is the same as Ashlyn’s except that he does not collect the chicken eggs. He also does the following:
-feed the dog (daily)
-empty the trash cans in the house (weekly)
-vacuum upstairs (weekly)
-vacuum downstairs (weekly)
-clean bathroom mirror and sink (weekly)
I often have them help set the table for dinner but this is not currently on their official lists:). Hunter has also learned how to do the laundry and they both have learned how to fold the laundry. I have them help me with this from time to time but it is not part of their regular list at this time, probably it will be added as they get older. I try to balance tasks in a way that allows them to be helpful but also not doing so much work that they don’t have a good amount of play time.
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@Heather Ledeboer, Thank you for taking the time to type it all out. I like that the common sense things are on their list. I’m sure it helps to reinforce daily health habits.
My oldest is almost 10, and we don’t have a dishwasher, so she gets the pleasure of doing the dishes at least 3 times a week. My 5 year old wants sooo badly to do the dishes, but I’m not sure I can trust her to be careful enough. It’s hard, though, to say “no” when they want to help. Some things are just above their ability.
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Heather Ledeboer Reply:
August 21st, 2012 at 10:05 pm
@AnnaLee, oh my to not have a dishwasher. . . that would be “pleasure” my kids are missing out on:)! An idea: what if your 10 year old did all the dishes except the safe silverware and left that for your 5 year old to do? it is tricky when they want to help but you don’t know if they are quite ready. . .
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AnnaLee Reply:
August 22nd, 2012 at 9:57 am
@Heather Ledeboer, That silverware is a GREAT idea! Thanks! We’ll do that for sure!
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This is really great. Thanks for sharing the specific tasks that you have given your 6 year old. I also have a six year old and I think these type of task are reasonable for her too. Is it possible that you share the template you use for your paycheck system? Do you all have a specific time(s) this week that you sit down and discuss the goals for the week or give them their rewards? This is exactly what we need! Thanks!
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Heather Ledeboer Reply:
August 21st, 2012 at 10:23 pm
@Elizabeth, I am so glad this was helpful for you! I found a “to do” list in Microsoft Word that I edited to include the specific tasks I have for the kids so this is became our responsibility list (you can sort of see it in the image of Hunter marking on a list). They make a check mark on the chart each time they complete a task. At the end of the week they can turn in their list for reimbursement. We count up the checkmarks. We let our kids redeem their responsibilities for either money or technology time. Each tasks is worth a predetermined amount. I’ll admit we are pretty cheap. They get $0.02 or 1 min of technology time per task which means they can earn about $1.50 or about 70 min per week depending on how they choose to redeem it. My husband however allows them to “invest” their money in “dad’s bank” and if they do that (essentially locking their money away for a predetermined amount of time) they can earn intrest on it. They also have other ways they can earn money doing “extra jobs” should they so desire (if they are wanting to earn money for something specific for instance). I hope that helps. Let me know if you have more questions:)!
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AnnaLee Reply:
August 23rd, 2012 at 4:19 pm
@Heather Ledeboer, So glad Elizabeth asked about the money! I meant to, but completely forgot! Having the choice for either money or technology time is so good!
And, I LOVE LOVE LOVE how cheap you are!!! Sounds like us!
The “dad’s bank” sounds good, too! Teaches them that good things come to those who wait.
I showed this to Barry, and he’s all for it! Such great ideas! Thanks again!
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Okay, I meant to ask this before… What type of interest do y’all have at “Dad’s Bank?” I’m getting this typed up today… hopefully.
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