Q & A #1 by Heather Ledeboer
By Heather Ledeboer | Category: Pursuing God, Sawyer's Story, The Journey of Motherhood
I am working on answering some of your questions from this post. I started answering one last night about how we found out that Sawyer had died and I have it mostly finished but for some reason I am not quite ready to post it yet. So I will hang on to it for a bit longer until I am ready. Below is the question from Sara that I am answering today:
Q: I’ve got a question I think you’d be a good one to answer. My brother has a friend (a couple) that I’ve known all my life. I’m 15 years younger than my brother so I don’t exactly share his friends but I like this couple. I don’t see them often but tonight I was at my brothers with my kids and they were their playing with my kids. The man was so wonderful with the kids, like better than usual. I know their story as well as I know my own but I had a clueless moment tonight. They had a daughter who was still born 6 years ago. I asked if they had any children and they said yes a daughter, and I said how old is she and they said she’d be six soon, then to her father I said, she must REALLY love you, I bet she loves to play with you, neither of them said anything and it wasn’t until then that I remembered what had happened to them and her. I couldn’t think of anything to say so I said nothing, which I know was wrong. What would you prefer someone to say to you, that said something insensitive (not meaning too) about Sawyer, (Like forgetting you lost him or referring to him as alive). What would you like someone to say in that situation? Once again you’ve been in my prayers. I’d never personally heard the name Sawyer before, last night at my son’s Kindergarten Graduation a little boy named Sawyer graduated too, I thought of you and said a prayer. We love you Heather. ~Sara
A: Sara, this is a good question. I have thought over this and for me personally, I respond well to honesty and humility so if someone mistakenly said something that was insensitive and they recognized it saying something like, "Oh Heather, forgive me, I don’t know how I could have said something like that, I am sorry. That must have sounded insensitive, that was not my desire, I am sorry." would feel really nice. I know that addressing the mistake is much harder than ignoring it but I would much rather that the person address it. By the way, I have heard several people mention "Sawyer’s" that they have been running into lately, it is great to know that others are remembering our little boy along with us. it brings tears to my eyes to even type those words. Thank you so very much for your prayers.
I knew a Sawyer going up! I loved that kid. It has the nicest person to me in elementary school. I had no friends and nearly everyone picked on me.
He was this happy boy with red hair! In my life at that time I had never seen a red hair before (being that my family are Asian). He had tons of freckles and a contagious smile. He was a friend to me and I still remember a boy name Sawyer today. Such a beautiful name!
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Hi Heather, I have been very moved by the opportunity to read your story as you have blogged for the last few weeks. I read on another mommy blog of your family’s tremendous loss and am so very sorry. I spent my morning reading your many posts about your son’s passing, his birth and your thoughts and lessons learned in the time since them. It reminded me how lucky I am have my one daughter and am holding her a little closer today. I am the owner of PolkaDotWhale.com and the Baby Fashion Blog so I feel particularly drawn to you and your story. I know firsthand that you have made a concerted effort to provide other moms with great products and information and have chosen to sell products created by other moms to support their dreams & businesses, and now, through blogging your story, you will help a new group of moms who have and will experience loss like your own. Keep your passion for motherhood alive! I can already see that your faith, family and friends will see you through. I am glad to know that you have help with your business during this time. Accept all the help you can! The business will be waiting for you when you are ready. I wish you continued strength as you grieve for Sawyer and continue the daily work of loving and caring for Hunter & Ashlyn. All my very best wishes, Natalie
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I’d like to respond to Sara’s question too. I think the fact that you, sara, realized your mistake is a good thing. I agree with Heather’s answer, to say something along the lines of “how did I forget” but, I think those parents are secretly happy that their child was talked about in such a positive way, even if the situation could never be as such. Does that make sense? I’m also sure that they saw the recognition of error in your face and that you felt terrible about it. Don’t beat yourself up too much, but instead, learn from this and teach others….
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I totally agree!
-Heather L.
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Hi there. Just wanted you to know that I thought of you today. Blessings
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Hi Heather – just wanted u to know that I still check in on you from time to time. Still praying that you have more good days than bad ones. Hope this is a good week
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